Early on in our training as therapists, we are taught to guide our clients in developing specific, attainable goals. But here’s the obstacle with just pointing out that it is important to set “specific, attainable goals:”
That statement alone doesn’t tell anyone how to do this.
I mean—okay—simple enough, no? Set a goal. But…where do we start? Often, what I’ve found as a psychologist is that the first place our brains go (especially around the new year, when this blog post will be released) are those prototypical, even somewhat stereotypical goals, like:
“I’m going to exercise more!” Or “I’m going to save more money.”
At this juncture, I’m going throw a monkey wrench into these thoughtful and well-thought-out aspirations:
Okay, but… WHY?
Why do you want to exercise more? Why do you want to save more money?
You see, that is the most important part of setting goals. Without answering “Why?” there is no guarantee or clarity as to whether you will actually follow through on these statements—or at least maintain these behaviors beyond just the first week of January.
Because when we answer “why,” we are suddenly able to capture the true, genuine values underlying our goals. I’ve found that so many people rush, and put the cart before the horse in goal-setting. They do this by starting with the goal instead of starting with the value motivating the goal.
I’ll distinguish between the two for you. Values represent more global concepts of things that are near and dear to your heart. For example, you might value health, stability, creativity, family, or friendship. Notice that none of these words by themselves are “goals.” This is because, unlike goals, values, in and of themselves, are indefinite. While you may not forever value “achievement” over and above other things, the value of “achievement” doesn’t have a clear beginning and end.
Conversely, goals do have a clear beginning and end. Before becoming a psychologist, I set out the goal to earn a Clinical Psychology Ph.D., and it took several steps to actually get there. But now that goal is complete. I mean—technically, I can earn another separate Clinical Psychology Ph.D., but I’d rather someone light me on fire before putting myself through the process of graduate school once again (this is a joke though—no fire for me).
The key is that values should guide goal-setting. Experts in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), including its creator, Dr. Stephen Hayes, and Dr. Russ Harris, recommend thinking of your values like a compass that gives you a sense of direction, and of your goals as the destinations along the way. So, the first step is to identify your values, and only then can you move on and use those values to develop specific, actionable goals that you really, actually… care about.
To learn more about setting values-based goals, I recommend reading the book, The Happiness Trap, by Dr. Russ Harris. I also often use this worksheet with clients when we are developing therapy (and actually—life) goals.
Now, get cracking on those New Year’s goals and stick with them until they carry you to the destination that is oh-so-near-and-dear to your heart.
